HiReader,

If you want a shortcut to good sex, a list of activities is unlikely to get you there.

As much as doing certain sexy activities can be very fun, most of us don’t have sex because we want to mechanically do the activity, but because we like how certain things make us feel.

To get where you want to go in bed, consider what feelings or moods you want to experience during sex.

• Do you want to feel cherished, beloved, worshiped or lusted over?
• Or perhaps you want to feel used, spent, overpowered or roughed up?
• Or maybe you want to feel teased, giddy, intrigued or gleeful?
• Or perhaps you want to feel powerful, confident or omnipotent?
• Or how about feeling attuned, content, enchanted or connected?

This is just the tip of the iceberg of feelings that the erotic can evoke.

Understanding and naming what you want to experience makes it much more likely to happen. When you know what you want to feel, you can take steps to make it possible.

(In Write Your Erotic Handbook you’ll get a list of 139 sexual feelings and moods to help you identify what lights you up, as well as what’s a no-go for you.)

The feelings we want to feel during sex are not always easy to understand, and they might feel a little scary to name and claim. Sometimes you might want to feel combinations of emotions, or you might want to feel something that might feel "bad" if it weren't happening in a certain sexual or emotional container. But in the right sexual context, the "bad" thing might be really, REALLY hot.

For example, many people want to feel used or objectified during sex, but want to be loved and cared for outside of the bedroom.

It’s also common to want to feel small and taken care of during sex, but to want to feel confident and capable outside of the bedroom.

Another common feeling people seek in sex is a bit of fear or the thrill of being challenged, but to also want safety and security with your partner afterward.

You may want both connection and taboo, or to feel both joyful and animalistic, or lusted over and comfortable, or any of hundreds of other combinations.

Erotic tension lies in these contradictions, so don't be too worried if some edgy stuff shows up for you. Context makes all the difference. But knowing what you want to feel points the way forward.

Consider:

• What feelings or moods do you want to go to during sex?
• What feelings or moods do you want to go to after sex?
• And what helps you to get there?

This is one of over 30 exercises, prompts and quizzes you’ll find in Write Your Erotic Handbook.

We start on Tuesday.

>> Take a look here. <<

Have a happy Saturday.

Warmly,
MarciaB.