Hi Reader,

My household is down with the Vagueplague this week, meaning, two housemates have Covid and the rest of us have dialed back our in-person activities until we see how it all shakes out. So far so good, but that meant all my fun weekend plans were canceled. 😞

I also gave up Instagram for Lent. I’m not Catholic, but a period of structured intentionality around my vices? Sounds good to me.

It turns out that Instagram is pretty bad for me. And I love it. What’s a girl to do? For the next 6 weeks, I’ll be posting on Sundays only and deleting the app in between.

Lately, I’ve been asking myself, “What are the habits I picked up over the past few years to cope that are no longer serving me?”

To recap: over the previous 5 years, I moved 6 times; both of my parents died; two friends died; I cleaned out and sold my childhood home (which logistically amounted to another 2 moves); I sprained my ankle and threw out my back; and I (like you) lived through a global pandemic, political turmoil and acute climate issues (not to mention everything else that’s been going on in the world and with loved ones).

To say I’ve needed some help to cope is an understatement.

But one of the most important lessons I’ve had to learn in my life is to recognize the shift between surviving and thriving. These are different modes of living that require different skills.

Sometimes the very things that help you to survive are what keep you from thriving. So when the shift happens, it’s important to be able to look at your life and to see what needs to change.

In my case, it’s been my social media use. (There are other things too, some of which I’m still in the process of identifying.) What was once a link to the world and community when I was isolated, had become a reinforcement of disconnection and deeper isolation.

Stepping away from Instagram the same week that I was grounded at home highlighted how much I had shifted out of survival mode, and pointed out specific ways my circumstances have changed since the early days of the pandemic, when I had just moved into a new apartment two days before lockdown.

These two changes together have generated a new spaciousness. Having the psychological room to craft, to nest in my home and to be more playful is a marked departure from those days of uncertainty in the midst of cardboard boxes. There’s so much more space to think, to absorb random facts and stories, and to be creative — all signs of moving past survival.

And I love that.

What do you think? Are there habits that used to work for you that don’t anymore? Have you experienced a shift from surviving to thriving? Or from thriving to surviving? What were the signs? How long did it take for you to notice? What changed? I’d love to know. Tell me everything!

What I'm reading, watching and listening to 📚

With my newfound spare time, but more importantly, spare capacity… I’ve been engaging with more long-form content. And it’s been great! (Some of it has been trash and that’s great too.)

Want a peek into I’ve been reading, watching, and listening to while lying about and not doomscrolling? Sure, why not!

• Michael Hobbes’ other podcast*, If Books Could Kill, particularly the episodes about Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus and The Five Love Languages. If you enjoy men making fun of other men for being sexist and oblivious, not to mention exploring why certain books “capture our hearts and ruin our minds,” this podcast is for you. (I also listened to the episodes about The Game and The Secret. Good stuff.)
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• I’m about a third of the way through Leigh Cowart’s Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose. I’m really looking forward to seeing what exactly ultra-marathoners, hot sauce aficionados and kinksters have in common, from at least two deeply nerdy angles.
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• Hannah Gadsby’s comedy show Something Special on Netflix. Approximately 2374 people told me to watch Nanette when it first came out, so I very stubbornly waited a year to do so. My delay this time was simply being clueless about its existence, but if you like queer, autistic humor about weddings and love, like I do, you’ll probably enjoy this.

*If you’ve spent much time with me in the last couple of years, you probably know I’m obsessed with Maintenance Phase, Michael’s podcast with Aubrey Gordon.

What’s coming up:

I’m teaching Like A Pro, the Wheel of Consent training for practitioners who work with individuals, in Salt Lake City, March 13-17. We have only a few openings left.

>> Find out more and register here.

That's it for today! Have a great week.

Warmly,
MarciaB.