Chocolate Cake, Sushi and the Context of Desire
Hey Reader !
Everyone says the way to mind blowing s3x is to communicate.
Sure, that's true -- but good communication, especially when it
comes to desire, isn't something we all had modeled or taught to us.
Asking for what you want is hard, right? We know that.
But knowing what you want is actually where folks get stalled the most.
You see, people often confuse what they like with what they want.
They think, "If only I knew what I want, then things would be easier."
But what you like and what you want are not the same.
😍 You figure out things you like over time, from trial and error.
Eventually you can make a list of them. Knowing what you like is a useful thing! But your likes are kind of an intellectual thing. It evolves as your interests change.
The process of figuring out what you like helps you notice preferences and patterns over time.
🔥 Your desires, on the other hand, are context-specific, and occur in the moment. They may be as obvious as a hot-burning fire, or as subtle as a whisper across a field. It's less about knowing what you want, and more about learning how to look, listen and feel into the clues that tell you that you want something. Can you feel the flicker or pull of a desire?
🍣 I LIKE chocolate cake and sushi (YUM!), but that doesn't mean I WANT it for dinner. You know?
I'll be going into this in a lot more detail in Sunday's class, "Bedroom Communication for Everybody." It's recorded and will be available within 24 hours if you can't make it live. Come join us!
Sunday, May 16
Whether you're looking to enhance, refresh or reboot your bedroom skills with your current lovers, or get inspired for your new partners, this is for you!
In this 3 hour, LIVE online workshop, you’ll learn practical, immediately-useful skills to uncover what really turns you (and your partner) on and talk about it, so that you’re WAY more likely to get it! The class is fun, and the homework is sexy!
Thursday, May 20
The world is slowly opening up, and the return to "normal" doesn't feel quite normal, does it? The boundaries we've had with each other may have shifted over the course of this past year, what we know about transmission of the virus has changed and many folks are getting vaccinated, and some aren't. How do we handle these boundary conversations now? And how do we make sense of our feelings? Join me for this discussion and workshop!
I’ve booked some time away at a writer’s retreat at the end of this month, where I look forward to resting, walking, reflecting, imagining and writing. If there’s anything you’d me to talk about — around the topics of consent, boundaries, asking for what you want, naughty fun for grown-folks in all bodies, navigating poly pods and multifaceted relationships - will you let me know? Seriously. Reply to this email and tell me your questions, or something you’ve been wondering about. I can’t promise to write about everything, but I’d love for your inquiries to be my inspiration!
xo,
Marcia B.
P.S. Was this info useful or interesting to you? Think it might interest someone you know? Please share it with them! Thanks!
Asking For What You Want
Unfinishing School, my yearlong community + practice-based coaching program for women and other folks who navigate social expectations of “womanhood,” is open for enrollment. Click here for details. If you don’t want to receive these marketing emails, but want to stay on my occasional newsletter list, click here. Hi Reader, Let’s talk about pleasure. (Or at least try to.) I spend a lot of my time these days trying to fool algorithms that think I’m using "pleasure" as a euphemism for something...
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